The Athletic Reporter
September 12, 2005 Sports News the Way You Want It. Completely Made Up. Issue 127
 
Spurs Fans Topple Giant Phil Jackson Statue In San Antonio
Originally posted 5/19/2003

Citizens of San Antonio topple a giant statue of Lakers coach Phil Jackson after the Spurs Game 6 victory
SAN ANTONIO, TX - Joyous Spurs fans this week toppled a giant statue of Los Angeles Lakers head coach Phil Jackson that had stood in San Antonio since June of 2000. The act signified an end to the Lakers regime that had dominated and brutalized the rest of the NBA for three years.

"I can't believe this is finally happening," said longtime San Antonio resident Chuck Doyle. "Our once proud franchise finally has a chance to return to its former glory, or at least to the NBA Finals."

The demonstration in the streets of San Antonio came after the Spurs beat the Lakers 110-82 in Game 6 of the Western Conference playoffs, ending the Lakers season. It was the Lakers' first loss in 14 straight playoff series, and the win restored the Spurs to what head coach Gregg Popovich called "our rightful place as sovereign rulers of the NBA." The Spurs, who captured the league title in the strike-shortened 1999 season, had been the last team to win a championship prior to Los Angeles.

Many supporters of the Lakers regime have already been found, and NBA commissioner David Stern has that said they will be brought to justice. Aiding in their capture has been a deck of Lakers playing cards, depicting those who have aided and abetted the evil Los Angeles regime. The ace of spades, Phil Jackson, has as of press time evaded capture, but the seven of hearts (Jack Nicholson) and the two of diamonds (Dyan Cannon) have been apprehended by authorities.

"We just played our best, and it worked out for us," said Spurs forward Tim Duncan, who headed the coalition that liberated the NBA from the Lakers. "They're a great team, but we were the better one this year." Duncan then climbed into the basket of a large crane, was hoisted to the top of the Staples Center arena, and replaced the Lakers' 2001-2002 championship banner with a giant American flag.

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