The Athletic Reporter
September 12, 2005 Sports News the Way You Want It. Completely Made Up. Issue 127
"Yep, You Got Me! I Hate Black People," Admits Jeff Kent
Originally posted 8/29/2005

Above: Dodgers second baseman Jeff Kent (left); black people
LOS ANGELES - The Dodgers' tumultuous 2005 season took a turn for the worse this week when outfielder Milton Bradley, who is black, accused teammate Jeff Kent of not knowing "how to deal with African-American people." Kent responded by confirming Bradley's suspicions. "Why, the reason I can't deal with black people is simple," said Kent, the Dodgers' second baseman. "I hate them!"

Bradley's accusations came after Kent took the notoriously mercurial outfielder to task for failing to score from first base on a Kent double during a Dodgers victory over Florida last week. Bradley then responded to Kent's critical appraisal of his playing style by branding his teammate a racist.

"Well, as the old saying goes, 'if the shoe fits,'" Kent, who dealt with his African-American manager Dusty Baker well enough to win the 2000 National League MVP award while a member of the San Francisco Giants, said this week when told of Bradley's comments. "Who can deal with black people, with that crazy music they listen to, and the way they're always, like... walking around. You know."

"Everyone knows Kent's just a surly jerk who never got along with people anywhere he played," Bradley said. "But that's not why he treats me bad. And it's not because I've got a volatile personality and I'm batshit crazy, either. He's a big jerk and I'm a nutjob, sure, but the only reason we don't get along is because Jeff Kent hates black people. No other explanation makes any amount of sense."

"What can I say?" Kent asked. "Milton's right. I don't like black people. Why should I? What have black people ever done for baseball? Nothing. What do the Dodgers have to do with black people as they pertain to baseball history? Diddly-squat, that's what! Black people... feh!"

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