The Athletic Reporter
September 12, 2005 Sports News the Way You Want It. Completely Made Up. Issue 127
 
Baseball Introduces Clarified, Latin-Friendly Anti-Steroid Campaign
Originally posted 5/9/2005

Baseball commissioner Bud Selig announces the new, culturally sensetive drug policy
NEW YORK - With Major League Baseball's steroid policy catching a disproportionate number of Latin American violators, commissioner Bud Selig announced baseball's new Latin-friendly "No Take-O el Drugs-O" campaign this week. "Three out of five players caught under our new policy have been Hispanic," Selig said, "a ratio that is as shocking as the sample size is unimpeachable. Clearly, something drastic had to be done right away immediately."

Minnesota's Juan Rincon, Tampa Bay's Alex Sanchez and Texas's Agustin Montero have all been suspended under the new big league steroid policy. It is likely that all of them would have been made aware that steroids were bad had "No Take-O el Drugs-O" been in place last year, Selig said.

"Baseball is obviously not doing enough to educate Latin players," said Baltimore Orioles outfielder Sammy Sosa through an interpreter. "A lot of these guys have no chance," Sosa, currently in his 17th Major League season, continued. "They live, work and travel in America for only about seven months out of the year, and some of them have only 17 or 18 English-speaking teammates a year and as little as five or six hours of downtime a day during which they could study the language. The odds are really stacked against them."

"Since we can't possibly expect simple Hispanics to make themselves aware of the rules governing the leagues in which they've chosen to play," Selig said, "we've decided that the fault lies with us, and that it's incumbent upon us to fix it. Sorry, Latin players. Hopefully, this new steroid policy is dumbed down enough for you."

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