The Athletic Reporter
September 12, 2005 Sports News the Way You Want It. Completely Made Up. Issue 127
 
Bulls Forward Andres Nocioni Arrested in Washington, DC for Threatening to Elbow the President
Originally posted 5/2/2005

Bulls forward Andres Nocioni writhes in pain after being leveled by Washington's Larry Hughes, in incident which led Nocioni to threaten to elbow everyone in Washington, including -- much to Nocioni's eventual regret -- President George W. Bush
WASHINGTON, DC - The Chicago Bulls, already without ailing Eddy Curry and injured Luol Deng for the length of the playoffs, suffered another blow Sunday when fiery Argentine forward Andres Nicioni was arrested for threatening to elbow President George W. Bush. Nicioni made the threat following Game 3 of the Bulls series against the Washington Wizards, in which he was knocked out of the game for a brief period following a third-quarter run-in with Washington's Larry Hughes.

"I come back next game, and I elbow everybody in Washington," said Nicioni, who felt that Hughes had leveled him with a cheap shot and who was booed relentlessly by Wizards fans angry with his rough style of play. "I elbow all the Wizards, all the fans, all the Congress, maybe even I elbow the President."

Nicioni was almost immediately wrestled to the ground by Secret Service agents and taken to an undisclosed location where, as far as anyone in the Bulls organization can tell, he is still being held.

"Threatening the President is a very, very serious crime," said White House spokesman Scott McClellan. "When the threat comes from a foreign national with a history of sketchy behavior, we can't possibly be too cautious in making sure that we've neutralized that threat."

"Hey, he was on that Olympic team that beat us out for the gold medal last summer," said President Bush, an avid sports fan, of Nocioni. "Hmm. Maybe it's time for a little payback, Texas-style.

"'Texas-style' means it's better than normal kinds of payback," added the President.

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