The Athletic Reporter
September 12, 2005 Sports News the Way You Want It. Completely Made Up. Issue 127
Philadelphia Fans Unanimously Agree: Even We'd Never Boo Mariano Rivera
Originally posted 4/11/2005

Above: Yankee great Mariano Rivera, whom even Philadelphia sports fans would know not to boo
PHILADELPHIA - Following a disgraceful booing of future Hall of Fame relief pitcher Mariano Rivera at Yankee Stadium Wednesday, Philadelphia fans unanimously agreed that they would never boo a player of Rivera's caliber. "We booed Mike Schmidt," said Philadelphia mayor John F. Street, "we booed Donovan McNabb on draft day, we cheered when Michael Irvin lay on the turf with what could have been a crippling injury, and we even booed Santa Claus. But there's a line that even Philadelphia fans would never, ever cross."

Rivera, the cornerstone of the Yankees' back-to-back-to-back World Series champion teams of 1998-2000 and arguably the greatest closer in baseball history, was booed at Yankee Stadium Wednesday after being pulled from a game against the Boston Red Sox in the ninth inning. Rivera had committed the unpardonable sin of blowing a save for the second consecutive night, giving up two walks, four weak singles and a potential game-ending double play grounder that was mishandled by third baseman Alex Rodriguez.

"I found the actions of the Yankee fans to be unconscionable, to be honest," said Philadelphia native and avid sports fan Orin Packard. "And I once booed a guy with cystic fibrosis for missing a putt during a charity golf tournament."

"I never in my life thought I would see such a pathetic display," said Santa Claus, 2004, of the North Pole. "I was a bit taken aback to be booed in Philadelphia, to be sure, but, I'm not Mariano Rivera. I mean, I've done some pretty amazing things throughout the millennia, but, I wouldn't put myself in Mariano Rivera's class. And yet they booed him. Oh well. Looks like it's no Christmas presents for the Yankee fans. For the 87th year in a row."

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