The Athletic Reporter
September 12, 2005 Sports News the Way You Want It. Completely Made Up. Issue 127
New Kid From Europe Disappoints Classmates By Sucking at Basketball
Originally posted 2/21/2005

Above: Slovenian transplant Ivar Palovic (right) tries in vain to guard classmate Ondre Winfield
BOULDER, CO - New kid Ivar Palovic, 13, whose family recently moved to the United States from Slovenia, disappointed his new classmates at Summit Middle School this week by sucking at basketball. "Man, I thought people from Europe were good," said 8th grader Chris Lamb. "I thought he'd be like Nowitski or Gasol or Kukoc or one of those guys. But it looked like he hadn't ever even played basketball before."

"I am not playing basketball in back home in Ljubljana," said Palovic, whose father Alexi recently took a teaching position at the University of Colorado. "I am playing handball, and I am playing occasionally the water polo."

"Man, I told him he was traveling," said classmate Ondre Winfield, "and he was like, 'am not traveling anymore. Am staying in Boulder.' He needs to to back to Jerkistan or wherever he's from and leave us alone."

"It's hard for any new kid to fit in," said Summit Middle School counselor Jolene McGrath, "especially when you're coming from another country. But it's got to be even harder for Ivar, because even though he's very tall for his age he's a complete spaz with no low-post game whatsoever. He should have no problem posting up or boxing out the other boys, but he's clearly a dud as far as that's concerned. I don't think guys like Vlade Divac, Rik Smits or Arvydas Sabonis have anything to worry about."

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