The Athletic Reporter
September 12, 2005 Sports News the Way You Want It. Completely Made Up. Issue 127
 
Ricky Williams, Like, Totally Forgets To Watch Dolphins' Opener
Originally posted 9/13/2004

Above: two of former Dolphins running back Ricky Williams' buddies, both of whom totally forgot to remind him that the Dolphins' opener had been moved to Saturday
AUSTRALIA OR SOMEWHERE - Sources close to former Miami Dolphins running back Ricky Williams -- who retired shortly before training camp began rather than face a suspension for violating the NFL's substance abuse policy -- reported this weekend that the enigmatic superstar, who has repeatedly professed an affinity for marijuana, totally forgot to watch the Dolphins' opening game against the Tennessee Titans Saturday.

The game, which the Dolphins lost 17-7, was supposed to be played on Sunday, but was moved up a day in attempt to stay ahead of bad weather due to coincide with the arrival in the region of Hurricane Ivan. "Ricky, like, wanted to watch the game," said a friend of Williams' who identified himself as Stoney Von Bongstein, "because he, like, knows a lot of the guys on the Dolphins, 'cause he used to play for 'em and stuff. Hey, dude, do you think a dolphin could beat up a polar bear? I think one totally could."

"I heard about the game being moved up a day," Williams said, "but, like, I just spaced. I'm used to games being on Sunday. I should of written it down or something, but, I didn't have a pen. I sure do have enough paper, though! Rolling paper, dude! Get it?"

Williams then proceeded to giggle for fifteen minutes straight before falling asleep on his buddy's futon.

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