The Athletic Reporter
September 12, 2005 Sports News the Way You Want It. Completely Made Up. Issue 127
Straight Guy "Shushed" During Super Bowl Commercial
Originally posted 2/2/2004

Incredulous straight guy Josh Garber
SAN JOSE, CA - Incredulous straight guy Josh Garber, 29, reported Sunday evening that he was actually "shushed" by fellow Super Bowl partygoer Joanne Angley, 27, during a commercial that aired midway through the second quarter of CBS's telecast of Super Bowl XXXVIII.

"I couldn't believe that chick," Garber said shortly after the shushing. "We had a bunch of food and stuff during the first quarter, and everybody was talking and eating and getting acquainted and stuff. I guess Bish [friend Chad Bishop, who invited Garber to the Super Bowl party] and I were the only ones actually paying attention to the game, but I didn't notice at the time."

Garber claims that he didn't know many people at the party, and that he got "a different sort of vibe" from a couple of the other male guests. "And the women who where there really couldn't have cared less about the game, it turns out," Garber said.

The shushing incident occurred with nearly nine minutes left in the second quarter when, with the New England Patriots and Carolina Panthers tied at zero, CBS aired a commercial for Bud Light featuring a horse's fart being lit on fire.

"I turned to Bish," Garber explained, "and I said, 'Hey, wasn't [Carolina head coach] John Fox the defensive coordinator for the Giants in the Super Bowl they just played a couple years ago?' And this Joanne chick goes, 'Shh, I want to see this commercial!' I was thinking, like, 'Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize we were at a commercial watching party. I thought it was a Super Bowl party.' Unbelievable."

Chad Bishop said that he hasn't heard from Garber since Sunday night. "I sort of convinced him to come, even though he didn't really want to," Bishop said of his friend. "He really likes his football, and I told him everyone here was going to be a big fan. Truth be told, there was this Erica chick I just wanted to try to get with, that's why I came. I just didn't want to show up by myself."

"Imagine, getting shushed during a commercial," Garber said. "I can't believe I let Bish talk me into coming to that party. I had a suspicion it might not be the real deal. I even told Bish before, if anybody at this thing says anything like, 'I didn't know Carolina had a team' or 'I never heard of the Carolina Panthers,' I swear to God I'll body slam them. I would have, too, but then I basically would have spent the entire party just body slamming people.

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