The Athletic Reporter
September 12, 2005 Sports News the Way You Want It. Completely Made Up. Issue 127
Pete Rose Demands Hall of Fame Plaque: "Me Wants the Precious," Hisses All-Time Hit King
Originally posted 1/12/2004

Pete Rose
CINCINNATI - All-time Major League Baseball hit leader Pete Rose, a lightning rod for controversy over the last 14 years due to his banishment from baseball for gambling offenses and his resulting exclusion from the Hall of Fame, stirred up old debates this week with the release of his latest book, "Me Wants the Precious: You Must Gives Us the Hall of Fame Plaque."

In the book Rose admits to betting on the Cincinnati Reds while he was that team's manager, a charge he had steadfastly denied for years. "People say we needs to admit we bet on Reds," hissed Rose, who in recent years has shriveled to an unrecognizable shell of himself due to his single-minded pursuit of a Hall of Fame plaque, in an interview with Charles Gibson that aired on ABC's "Primetime Thursday." "People say if we admits to betting, we gets the precious. But Commissioner Selig, him keeps it from us!"

Rose claims in "Me Wants the Precious" that he visited baseball commissioner Bud Selig in November of 2002 and admitted to betting not only on baseball but on the Reds. Selig declined to comment on this revelation, saying that Rose's prospects for reinstatement will not be affected by the book's publication.

"It is true," said the commissioner at a crowded press conference, "that Pete Rose came -- well, slithered -- to my office 14 months ago to discuss his status. I cannot comment on what was discussed in that meeting, however, nor will I allow the current controversy to -- AAHH!!" Selig was then interrupted by Rose who, after dropping from the ceiling onto the commissioner's head, proceeded to claw at his face while hissing, "give us the precious! You haves it and me wants it!"

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