The Athletic Reporter
September 12, 2005 Sports News the Way You Want It. Completely Made Up. Issue 127
 
Marvin Lewis Hired To Coach Los Angeles Clippers
Originally posted 12/2/2003

Lewis (left) talks to Clippers forward Melvin Ely during a game last week
LOS ANGELES - Cincinnati Bengals coach Marvin Lewis shocked the sports world this Sunday when, following his team's 24-20 win over Pittsburgh, he announced that he had resigned from the job to take over as coach of the NBA's Los Angeles Clippers. "I felt that turning around one laughingstock of a professional sports team wasn't enough," Lewis, who had coached the perennially inept Bengals into a first-place tie in the AFC North.

"I feel that my work here is done," Lewis told a stunned audience Sunday. "The Bengals are in a position to push for the playoffs, and are no longer the doormats of the AFC. With this Herculean task accomplished, I'm off to bigger and better challenges. Namely, getting the Clippers into the playoffs."

Though Lewis had never coached, or even played, basketball before, Clippers owner Donald Sterling said that he was confident in Lewis' ability to turn the team around. "I heard about this Lewis guy," Sterling said, "and how he made the Bengals good when they used to suck. And my advisors tell me that my team sucks, so I figured I'd get this guy over here."

NBA and NFL commissioners David Stern and Paul Tagliabue each said that the Clippers' signing of Lewis in the middle of football and basketball season was highly unethical and illegal and that the contract should be voided, but, eh, what are you gonna do?

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