The Athletic Reporter
September 12, 2005 Sports News the Way You Want It. Completely Made Up. Issue 127
 
Bill Romanowski Tests Positive For Everything
Originally posted 11/24/2003

Romanowski apologizes for "everything"
OAKLAND, CA - The NFL reported last weekend that Oakland Raiders linebacker Bill Romanowski, a 14-year veteran with a known penchant for indulging in supplements, tested positive for "everything," according to NFL director of football operations Gene Washington. "Not just steroids, either," Washington said. "Pretty much everything illegal or banned by the NFL or anyone else. Andro, Phen-fen, ecstasy, red dye number 2; it's all in there."

Three other Raiders players -- defensive tackles Dana Stubblefield and Chris Cooper and center Barret Robbins -- tested positive along with Romanowski for tetrahydrogestrinone, or THG, a so-called "designer steroid" that was previously untraceable. The results of the tests were delayed significantly, however, because of all of the other substances that were found in Romanowski's system.

"It took is about three days just to find the THG," said Dr. Earl Arnuco, who analyzed the samples provided by the Raiders players. "We had to get past all the other stuff. We found absinthe, crack cocaine, anabolic steroids, and twelve Cuban cigars -- which he had eaten, not smoked."

"I just want to apologize to my teammates, the league, and my family," Romanowski said in a press conference this week. "Also, I would warn the kids out there about the dangers of taking everything. Using illegal drugs and supplements to improve your sports ability is a great thing, but I've clearly taken it way too far."

Washington said that based on the number of banned substances that turned up in the drug test, Romanowski, his sons, and their sons have all been barred for life from playing in the NFL.

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