The Athletic Reporter
September 12, 2005 Sports News the Way You Want It. Completely Made Up. Issue 127
Nomar Milk Carton Hits Boston Supermarket Shelves
Originally posted 10/13/2003

The Nomar Garciaparra milk carton
BOSTON - A milk carton bearing the face of Boston Red Sox star Nomar Garciaparra hit the shelves of Boston supermarkets this week. The carton was issued by the Red Sox in an effort to find Garciaparra's offensive game, which has been missing since late summer.

Despite hitting .301 with 105 RBI and 28 home runs in 2003, Garciaparra batted .170 in September and is, as of press time, hitting .153 in the American League Championship Series against the Yankees.

"We in the Red Sox family are very concerned for Nomar's offensive game," said Boston general manager Theo Epstein. "Our thought's are with Nomar's game's family, and we all pray for its safe return. Preferably before the end of the ALCS."

"If anybody has seen my game," said Garciaparra, "please, please let me know. If you have my game, don't worry, everything's okay, just return it, no questions asked. Tell you what: leave my game on my doorstep overnight tonight, and, if it's there when I wake up, everything's cool. I swear."

According to Sergeant Tom Sullivan of the Boston Police Department, this is the first such incident in the city since the Celtics' Paul Pierce and Antoine Walker lost their "mojo" during the Eastern Conference Finals in 2002.

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