The Athletic Reporter
September 12, 2005 Sports News the Way You Want It. Completely Made Up. Issue 127
LeBron James, Jr. Declares For NBA Draft
Originally posted 3/31/2003

Proud parents-to-be James, left, and Watkins
DAYTON, OH - has learned that at a press conference scheduled for tomorrow afternoon LeBron James, Jr., will declare himself eligible for the NBA draft.

James, Jr., 0, will enter the draft despite not yet having been born. He was conceived almost five months ago by St. Vincent-St. Mary high school basketball standout LeBron James, 18, and girlfriend Jasmine Watkins. James, Jr., who is due on August 3 of this year, is currently projected to be the third pick in June's draft behind his father and 17-year-old Yugoslavian center Darko Milicic.

"This kid's court sense is amazing! He's a real diaper dandy!" said ESPN basketball analyst Dick Vitale of the 1/4-pound, 7-inch fetus. "The way he passes the rock, the way he crashes the boards... it's awesome, baby, with a capital 'A'!"

Memphis Grizzlies general manager Jerry West, whose team is likely to pick early in the draft, agreed. "His jump shot is dead on, he goes non-stop on defense, he makes everyone around him better. His feel for the game is something you just can't teach, it's something you have to be born with. And we assume that LeBron, Jr. will be."

Many in the basketball world, however, have begun to question the wisdom of allowing players who haven't finished high school, kindergarten, teething or the birthing process itself to enter the draft.

"It's crazy," said Minnesota Timberwolves forward Kevin Garnett, who himself entered the NBA following high school. "I mean, I know people got the right to do whatever they want, but, at some point you got to ask, 'How young is too young?'"

Added former All-Star and current ESPN broadcaster Bill Walton: "I think this is just ridiculous. This kid's going to be a great player, but he needs more time to develop. Sleeping through the night, potty training, sitting up on your own; those things are hard enough to get the hang of. Imagine trying to do all that and still play an 82-game schedule."

NBA commissioner David Stern refused to comment on the matter, although when told earlier today of James, Jr.'s intentions his pupils turned into giant dollar signs and his eyes made noises like a slot machine.

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