The Athletic Reporter
September 12, 2005 Sports News the Way You Want It. Completely Made Up. Issue 127
 
ESPN's "Playmakers" Totally Fake, Says Wife-Beating Coke Fiend NFL Star
Originally posted 9/15/2003

ESPN's "Playmakers"
SEATTLE - ESPN's new dramatic series "Playmakers," which follows the lives and careers of five professional football players over the course of a season, has drawn criticism from several NFL players for supposedly exaggerating, over-dramatizing and negatively depicting the lifestyle. According to crack-smoking, wife-beating Seahawks cornerback LaRon Simkins, the show "don't know nothing."

Simkins, a four-time Pro Bowler with the Seahawks, says that "Playmakers," which depicts a team called the Cougars playing in a fictionalized version of the NFL, is "all wrong. None of that stuff happens."

Simkins cited the September 2nd episode in which the league drug testing official, a.k.a. the "Piss Man," stops by to test two Cougars. When star running back and crack fiend Demetrius Harris (Omar Gooding) gets word that he'll be tested, he has a doctor inject clean urine into his bladder.

"See, that ain't right. Nobody in the NFL ever tries to cheat the piss man. Ask Romanowski. And nobody ever does illigal drugs," Simkins said as he rubbed at his nose furiously and inserted a catheter tube into his penis.

Simkins also took issue with a scene in which veteran running back Leon Taylor abuses his wife. "None of us ever treat women that way. Warren Moon could tell you that. If you don't believe me, ask my wife. And if she don't agree, I'll knock some sense into her."

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