The Athletic Reporter
September 12, 2005 Sports News the Way You Want It. Completely Made Up. Issue 127
"Stanny" Almonte Pitches Bronx Into Little League World Series
Originally posted 8/18/2003

"Stanny" Almonte delivers
BRISTOL, CT - Two years after disgracing themselves and their sport, the Bronx's Rolando Paulino All-Stars baseball team won the right to return to the Little League World Series in Williamsport, PA. Led by the pitching of a young man named "Stanny" Almonte, the Bronx team defeated a squad from Trenton, New Jersey on Friday to clinch the Mid-Atlantic championship.

"No habla ingles," said "Stanny" Almonte, who claimed to be 12 years old despite sporting a full beard and an inoculation scar on his upper arm.

Many in attendance noticed that Almonte bore a striking resemblance to Danny Almonte, the pitcher who in 2001 caused controversy at the Little League World Series when it was found that he was 14, two years older than league rules allowed, and that he had not lived in the Bronx long enough to represent his team after coming to New York from the Dominican Republic.

"Stanny" Almonte struck out all 18 batters he faced in pitching a six-inning perfect game in the Mid-Atlantic championship. "We're so proud of him," said Rodrigo Ruiz, who took over as Rolando Paulino All-Stars coach after Paulino, the team's founder, was banned from associating with Little League for life after the Danny Almonte scandal. "We never thought we would get this far."

When asked if "Stanny" Almonte was, in fact, Danny Almonte, Ruiz replied "Que? No ingles."

"No soy Danny Almonte," the young pitcher told reporters. "Soy 'Stanny 'Almonte. Es la verdad." Almonte then asked, through an interpreter, to be excused because his rheumatism was acting up.

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