The Athletic Reporter
September 12, 2005 Sports News the Way You Want It. Completely Made Up. Issue 127
Dontrelle Willis Finally Named To All-Star Team After Selig Pistol-Whips Kevin Brown
Originally posted 7/14/2003

Dontrelle Willis (left), Selig takes it to Kevin Brown (right)
DENVER - Florida Marlins rookie pitching sensation Dontrelle Willis was finally named to the National League All-Star team Friday as a replacement for the injured Kevin Brown. Brown came down with multiple arm and facial injuries after being pistol-whipped by Major League Baseball commissioner Bud Selig.

Selig apparently flew in to Denver, where the Dodgers were playing a weekend series with the Colorado Rockies, for the express purpose of pummelling Brown. Explaining his actions, Selig told reporters that "if you want something done right, you've got to do it yourself.

"I knew if I didn't do something quick," Selig said Friday after pistol-whipping the relatively unpopular All-Star pitcher Brown to within an inch of his life, "we'd really be embarrassed. Canceling a World Series [in 1994] was bad, having the All-Star game end in a tie last year was bad, but not naming Dontrelle Willis to this year's All-Star team would have been ridiculous."

The young and charismatic Willis, who is 9-1 since his big league debut on May 9th of this year, was initially left off the All-Star team to the consternation of many. "Dontrelle Willis is exactly the kind of player baseball should be trying to showcase," said sportswriter Dan Le Batard of the Miami Herald, who has covered Willis this season. "The fact that he was left off the team is baffling, frankly."

Even less explicable to many baseball observers was the failure of National League All-Star manager Dusty Baker to name Willis to the team as a replacement after Colorado Rockies pitcher Shawn Chacon became unable to pitch in the game due to an injury. Instead Baker, manager of the Chicago Cubs, selected Cubs pitcher Kerry Wood to fill Chacon's roster spot. It was then, Selig said, that he knew he'd have to take the matter into his own hands.

"I regret, and I know Kevin Brown certainly regrets, that it's come to this," Selig said. "But Dontrelle Willis needed to be at the All-Star game. Things are bad enough the way it is."

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