The Athletic Reporter
September 12, 2005 Sports News the Way You Want It. Completely Made Up. Issue 127
Guy's Head Obscures Whole Effing Game
Originally posted 6/30/2003

Gary Sheffield, right, and some guy's head
ATLANTA - Braves fan Sarah Sinclair reported Tuesday night that although she enjoyed her annual outing to Turner Field in Atlanta to see her favorite team, the experience was marred by "some guy's head obscuring the whole effing game. It was terrible," said Sinclair, 28, who lives in southern California and sees the Braves in Atlanta once a year when she is home visiting her family.

"This guy pretty much screwed up any view we might have had of the game," Sinclair reported. "He was leaning forward, waving his hat around, everything he could have possibly done to make it harder for the people behind him to see the game. We would have said something, but he was so oblivious that it probably wouldn't have done any good."

The family was able to look on the bright side to some degree, however. "We started talking about the guy in vague terms," said Sinclair's father Bruce, "loud enough so he could hear us but so he wouldn't have any idea we were talking about him. We started talking about this guy, 'Huge Head McSit-Up-Straight,' and what a jerk he was. It's lame, I know, but we were pretty drunk. There wasn't much else to do, you understand, because we couldn't see the game."

Braves general manager John Schuerholz apologized to the Sinclairs after Tuesday's game, a 5-3 Braves win. "I would like to express my deepest regrets to the Sinclair family," Schuerholz said. "The Atlanta Braves do not condone the obscuring of the entire effing game by some guy's giant head. We will go to great lengths to avoid such whole-effing-game obscurings in the future."

Schuerholz also said that Sarah, Bruce and the rest of the Sinclairs would receive complimentary tickets to a Braves home game next year when Sarah is in town. He promised that the tickets would be in the front row, thus giving the family an unobstructed view of the whole effing game.

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