The Athletic Reporter
September 12, 2005 Sports News the Way You Want It. Completely Made Up. Issue 127
Steinbrenner To Plant Coke In Torre's Office So He Can Fire Him
Originally posted 6/16/2003

NEW YORK - Yankees owner George Steinbrenner announced this week that he plans to plant cocaine in manager Joe Torre's office, thereby giving him an excuse to fire the beloved four-time World Series championship-winning skipper. "It's been so long since I fired a manager, I can hardly remember how great it feels," Steinbrenner said.

"After we got no-hit by the Astros this week," Steinbrenner continued, "I knew I had to do something. But everyone absolutely loves Joe, so I can't just fire him. I've got to cook up a pretty darned good reason."

"I'm not really worried about my job," Torre said Wednesday after the Yankees were no-hit by six Houston Astros pitchers. "I think we can turn this thing around. Of course, if George decides he wants me fired, I'm sure he'll think up a way to do it."

Stienbrenner said that he's not sure exactly when he'll carry out his plan. "That's for me to know and you to find out," the irascible Yankees boss told reporters. Steinbrenner hinted, however, that if it began to look at any point like the Yankees might miss the post-season this year, Torre would be in trouble.

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